Overwhelmed? Me too.

Lately I have experience the most arguable downfall of spring... lack of motivation. It's technically not even spring, either. There's still 4 more days of winter. Aside from the technicalities of it all, I seriously have lacked a large amount of motivation. Spring sports started two almost three weeks ago, which means I have a 2 hour chunk taken right out of my afternoon from going to practice. The first week was brutal, since I really didn't run pre-season. Like, at all. I'm pretty much the slowest person on the team. That's not me fishing for compliments or anything of that nature, I'm just super slow. Time-wise, I'm managing with my homework, but I just don't want to do it. That's not too out of the ordinary for me because I really do dread homework all school year long. Here's the thing, I can get up and finish it even if I don't want to. Yet, I can't even do that. I don't think I've completed one math assignment this unit and I'm not even bad at math. Really, I'm pretty good. We started Macbeth in English a few weeks ago, and believe me, I think I set my personal record on procrastination. Seriously, it could be put as my profession. It wouldn't be as bad as it is, except I'm in an honors class, so honors work is expected. I really don't feel like analyzing Lady Macbeth's sociopathic mind. I was extra thrilled when we were given a project that's so large scale, it is due after spring break in April. The silver lining? I could be in a group... au contraire. I ended up alone, mainly due to the fact all my friends are in a different class period. But at least this thing has time to be done. And my friend who took the class last year has offered to help me. History isn't really hard for me either. I actually find it quite interesting. But when we got a project assigned, I was surprisingly disappointed. At least this time I had a partner. The things we were given as assignments in the class weren't hard. We even had time for them in class. But I ended up turning both of the assignments in late, which is super unusual. Seriously, I have only turned one other thing in late. And that was at the beginning of the school year. Science... I'm in the easiest class at the school, I think. I've surprisingly okay on the homework, especially considering I turn things in late regularly in that class and I've turned hardly anything in late. I guess that's a positive. I won't go on and on about all the schoolwork I don't want to do. I don't want this to be a pity post. I think you've gotten the idea of how lacking I was (and am) of motivation. The fact that we've been selling Girl Scout cookies the past couple weeks might be a contributor. Site sales aren't exactly my favorite, but I got through them too. I only had two, so that helped. Especially considering they were a Friday and Saturday of the same weekend. Probably the worst part was spring forward. Losing an hour of sleep can never do someone good. Especially when they haven't been getting adequate amounts. Ask any high school student, and they will tell you they rarely (probably never) feel rested. All of this at once was enough to make me more than a little bit overwhelmed. I won't mention every specific thing because I don't want to go overkill. But I've probably passed that threshold already. I'm not even a junior or a senior. I'm a sophomore, which means I better find a way to spur my motivation again. I must seem like such a pessimist after writing 2 somewhat positive posts. I guess my goal in writing this is a way to tell myself to buck up. Hopefully, I will be able to find some motivation somewhere. This just goes to show life is full of bumps and turns. For now, I'll take it one step at a time. And if for the first time in math, my grade is below a B+, I'll try to accept it and do what I can to raise it back up. We can't all be superheroes, but sometimes we try too hard to fly like one, run straight into a wall, and flail miserably in the air until we hit the ground. Take note: stepping stones and stumbling blocks are made of the same material. :) I probably have it way better than the next guy. If I need to, I'll use a neck brace to keep my head held up.
P.S. I know, the grammar and wording in this post is super rocky.

Take Things As They Come

There are a million things in life we will encounter, plus a little extra. Some are good, and some are bad. If life were a graph (as much as I dislike math and its analogy-type things), no parts of it would be steady. Okay, so maybe little parts, but I imagine it would be all over the place. Spikes up and down, high and low, some minute portions that were flat. If you have taken a simple math class, you probably know the type of graph I'm talking about. Sometimes, there are even stories behind them. When we covered them in actual math class (ick, I know), my teacher had us make up a story about the different parts of them. I don't want relate this whole post to math, so I'll just say one last thing relating to graphs. After this, my language will be void of math terms. Instead of a made up story put to a small span of plots on X and Y axes, let's look at our lives as the sort of unpredictable, see things as they come sort of thing. See? It doesn't have to be a graph. Look at it however you want. I'm choosing to look at it as a road trip, but a reeeaaalllyyy long one. You come equipped with a general path or plan, a destination in mind, and some general skills and instructions given to get you where you need to be. Generally, a GPS, a map, some snacks, a spare tire, a friend that is willing to come along with you (and if you want, multiple), and a car are some good starting points. Let's just assume you know how to drive. In one way or another, you have been instructed with do's and don'ts that allow you to operate a car. You have acquired some practice, because just learning the theory isn't enough (Dolores Umbridge, I'm looking at you). As you start out on the road, it's easy. The speed limit is low, and as a new driver, that's somewhat comforting. As you make your way towards city streets, the speed begins to increase. Gradually, though, you have become comfortable with lower speeds and you are so ready to take on that 45 MPH. Remember, this is a road trip, and this the beginning. Maybe on the main roads, there are some potholes that haven't yet been filled. They're small bumps, but they seem much larger. You're just getting used to the feel of the car. Every so often, your progress will halt. There are traffic lights, stop signs, traffic jams (yay, rush hour!), and you have to fill your tank with gas. There a number of other things you may encounter, but I thought I'd name a few. Regardless, waiting may seem pointless and annoying. At least you haven't run out of songs to play on your playlist, and you haven't become annoyed with your very good, kind friend(s). You have still managed to handle the obstacles as they arise, maybe you're invincible. But wait, you haven't yet reached the highway. That's a whopping 50 MPH, and you're still getting used to going above 40. Unfortunately, it's coming faster than anticipated. You manage to get up to speed, but suddenly, the course is not so easy. Things that used to seem like a small annoyance are really starting to get on your nerves. To make it even worse, there's nothing good on the radio AND you've gone through your whole music library. Twice. At this point, traffic lights are the least of your worry. At some point you forgot there were things in the car that could help you assess your situation. I mean, maps and other such resources are for wimps, right? Highway to freeway was hard, but you managed. Until (drumroll, please!), you take the wrong exit. But maybe taking the wrong exit is okay, because you make some new friends on the way and they lead you where to go. Should have used the GPS, am I right? As long as those new friends don't intentionally tell you the wrong thing, you are back where you need to go. You've learned some valuable lessons from previous experiences. Several flat tires, wrong exits, checking your route multiple times, and highway hypnosis states later, you have finally made it! There were countless pit stops, times of frustration, and times where what seemed easy was hard, you have actually reached your destination! And it was a hard journey, but it was fun! And you learned one thing, take things as they come. Otherwise, it's not likely to go well.

Thoughts on Life and Change

You know how you had something planned in your head, and each detail was perfect? With all your t's crossed and your i's dotted, nothing could possibly go wrong... right? But by some seemingly impossible chance, your perfect plan didn't go as imagined. It's as if the end of the world has come. Here's the thing, life happens. And that's okay. I still have a lot of learning to do, but if there's one thing I have learned in my ripe age of 16 years, it's that perfection is not always perfect. Life gets in the way, and it's not the end of the world. People change, friends come and go, mistakes are made, plans are changed, the list can go on, and on, and on. I've been thinking about this quite a lot lately. I'm trying to find ways I can cope with the with both the changes happening around me and the imperfections that come with life. I'm not always great at staying calm on the inside, and I wish I could be better about that. High school is kind of, okay, really filled with changes. It's crazy how much goes on around me. I'm trying to learn that I don't need to know every detail of my friends' lives. I can still be great friends with a person if I don't know who called them in the last day, why they're mad, or why they like a boy. I'm hoping I can just let my brain relax, instead of panic. I'm hoping my stomach won't do that little flip when one of my friends says they like someone. After all, my friends don't belong to me. With the new year, I'm hoping for more balance, less worrying, being more accepting, being less clingy, and maybe, if it ever comes around, being less of a perfectionist. I'm trying to learn that change can be good, sometimes scary, but good. Life is too short to be anxious about the silly stuff. I say that with myself in mind, because I know it will make life easier for me and the people around me. There's lots of room for improvement. Sometimes, you just have to take a few steps back to go one step forward. Those few steps back give insight and knowledge, and a clear head to look at the big picture. As we go through life, it's sort of like an oil painting. In the present, the paint just seems like oddly mixed globs of color full of ugly mistakes. But when we finish the painting called life, the ugly mistakes and oddly mixed globs of color make a beautiful mural. A mural that tells a story of sadness, pain, pure joy, confusion, and complete beauty. It has rolling hills in the background and very distant mountains. There is a gorgeous sunset, outlined by towering trees and crashing waves of the ocean that's full of life. Maybe there's a beach, full of polished shells, the remnant of a home once used by a tiny but complex form of life. Suddenly, the mistakes that were so awful aren't anymore. Together, they create a breathtaking image, full of meaning. And yet, the awe-inspiring mural doesn't tell half the story. In the end, the full meaning of life lies within your heart.

Sometimes you have a moment.

Update

It is halfway into the school year. A long time ago I wished school could be over. Well, The good thing is I am going... to Mt. Rainier to innertube on February ninth. My brother is getting married. Aimee no longer goes to SPU, Stacy is in Hawaii. I still have a lot of homework. It is cold here in Washington, but we had snow once. And it melted really fast (in December).

Homework Hoard

I am buried in homework. And I do not have time.  I am doing sports and such. Please can I just get a break???? Pardon me, I have to go do HOMEWORK!!

My Thoughts

My sisters have left for college. One went to Hawaii (byuh) . The other went to Seattle (spu). I feel very lonely and sad.